Thursday, February 5, 2009

Procreation is not our forte, which is why we shall work more than five days a week!


Mr Teo held the door wide open as Dr Loo cruised in with his nose in the air. Ah Tan, Ali, Ah Lim and ten other senior managers rose to their feet to welcome the VIP. Susan handed the wireless microphone over to Mr Teo as the two walked to the front.

MR TEO (clearing his throat): Gentlemen, please be seated.

Discreetly and taking care not to make too much noise, the senior managers sat down slowly.

MR TEO: We're very honoured to have Dr Loo here with us. I'm very sure all of you know Dr Loo is the twenty-sixth richest in Singapore. Today, Dr Loo will share with us his ingenious idea of how Singapore can improve the productivity of its workforce. Let's give Dr Loo a warm welcome!

With Mr Teo leading the pack, the senior managers shook the room with thunderous applause. Proudly, Dr Loo took over the microphone to address the audience.

DR LOO: Thank you! Thank you, Teo. Good afternoon, gentlemen. Today I'm here to tell you what is our problem and how we should solve it.
ALI (whispering to Ah Tan): What is our problem again? What is this talk all about again?
AH TAN (whispering to Ali): That our population is too small and we've got too little people working lah!

DR LOO: Everybody knows that our government is concerned about the baby shortage that threatens the city-state's future. Worried that as the population gets older, we do not have adequate young people to support the aged group. So much so that the government would double spending on incentives to encourage Singaporeans to produce more babies. But we have still failed to significantly raise the number of children.

AH LIM (whispering to Ah Tan): That's why we bring in those foreign talents right?
AH TAN (whispering to Ah Lim): But we can't bring in too many of them right? Or else the people will start complaining again, about how those foreign talents are stealing their jobs.

DR LOO: Do you know what is the reason for this failure? Our procreation talent is not our forte! It is as simple as that! Nothing to crow about! We should accept that as a people, we are just not good in producing babies! Nothing is wrong with that!

ALI (whispering to AH TAN and AH LIM): Did he just say we're bad at sex?
AH TAN and AH LIM (together): Shh...

DR LOO: While failing to boost the population, working only five days a week may also have affected Singapore's work ethic. I'm not kidding. We need to determine whether our productivity and competitiveness have been affected by the five-day week.

AH TAN (muttering to himself): Oh no... don't tell me...
AH LIM (whispering to AH TAN and ALI): Oui! Don't tell me he's suggesting that we go back to working five and a half days hor!

DR LOO: Apparently Singaporeans are not making full use of their rest days to do what they are obliged to do. Make babies! In that case, they could make better use of their rest days doing some work!

AH TAN (muttering to himself): Oh gosh...
ALI: Ah doi!

Dr Loo looked over to Ali's direction.

DR LOO: Sorry, do you have something to share?
ALI: Ah... sorry Sir, no Sir, I was... er... burping.
DR LOO: Ah... haha... it's okay. Oh... yes, as I was saying, Singaporeans shall wake up and start working. I have nothing against our young Singaporeans having fun and partying. But I hope they will work as hard as they play. Our government should enforce that our people work six days a week. Not five days, not even five and a half. Half day's work is a waste of time. Imagine that you come into the office at 8am, but by noon, you are already leaving the office. That is only a total of four hours work for the day! That is unacceptable!

AH LIM (whispering to Ah Tan): He forgot to factor in the 8:30am breakfast and 10am tea break.

DR LOO: At times like this, with the economic downturn worsening, Singaporeans need to work even harder! Just by being more hardworking, we could boost our productivity level and in turn convince our forign investors to stay, or better still, attract even more investors! Without delay, I'll be suggesting this in parliament next week. A law should be enforced to ensure that all Singaporeans work six full days a week!

AH TAN (whispering to Ah Lim and Ali): Don't worry, I'll talk to Mr Teo later. If they're going to pass this bill, it should only apply to the common people. Not us...



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